I remember when we had the introducing talk with the daycare, where we told them about her, what kind of girl she was. We told them that she was a girl with a lot of energy, she had a hard time falling asleep and she was often really restless. I remember the understanding words with and undertone of ‘we have had so many kids here, of course we can get her to sleep’. Of course we also talked about what a caring and loving little girl she is, and how impressed we are to see how she always think of others even at such a young age. And she remains that way!
Days passed, weeks passed and they still couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t sleep, and there were so many days where I had to pick her up because she got so upset when they tried to put her down they didn’t know what to do.
After about a month we had a meeting with the daycare. We expressed our concerns about her not sleeping. What would it do to her to loose that much sleep? Was something wrong? How could we help her?
The daycare staff mentioned that they have noticed she was very hybermobile and that she would often do things that were dangerous and too hard for a two year old.
We decited together that we should see a Physiotherapist. She was supposed to help us figure out if we should try a heavy duvet (in Denmark the daycare needs a Physiotherapist approval and guidence to use them in daycare) and if we should do anything about her beeing hybermobile.
We went there for a few months. It was a young girl, fresh from school and I could feel she wanted to help, but also that she didn’t had a lot of experience. She concluted that Ellie was very hybermobile and told us that sometimes that causes restlessness because it’s harder to feel your body when you are hybermobile. We got some exercises that would be good for her and that was pretty much it.
After about 5 months she finally started to sleep in daycare! Just like that. Maybe it was just how long it took for her to get used to the new routine, because when it finally happened she slept every day in daycare since then. The strickt routines was definitely something that meant a lot to her!
While all of this was going on I decited to start my own business. Lately I had more photo jobs, and it seemed like the best solution for our family that I could work from home and manage my own time. This way I was still able to give the kids short days and days off, and I knew they needed that!
After Ellie started daycare Alfie got worse. He started to act more out psysicly at home, mostly on Ellie and a few rare times on me. She’s always been a strong girl, so she mostly just took it, but my husband and I was worried. Were this what it was like for all parents? Did all kids feel this worn out after a day in kintergarten? He is our first child, we never tried anything else than what we have, so we kept thinking it was probably okay. But it kept getting worse.
Next fall we decited to talk to the kindergarten. Ask them if everything was okay over there, if they had seen anything unusual in his behavior or anything like that. We wanted some anwseres. They told us that he was a bright kid, far along for his age. He was a quiet boy, didn’t attend any wild games, mostly played with the youngest children and often took ‘breaks’ where he would go somewhere alone to play quietly with a car or something like that. They also told us that they had asked him why he would get so upset when we dropped him off and that he told them that he didn’t like it in kindergarten because there were so many people, and that he liked it more at home because it was more quiet.
We asked in to that last part, if that was to expect from a 4/almost 5 year old, and they didn’t seem to think of it as a problem. We thought we were probably just over worried so we didn’t say anything else.
A few days after our meeting we had an ‘incident’.
We were at my parents in law, the kids were sitting on the floor playing and we were sitting around them talking while my father in law was trying to fix the speakers. Suddenly the music started very loud, and he instantly turned it off. You know when a high sound like that suddenly appears, you have a quick chock, and we all did. Ellie just went back to playing after at short look at us, but Alfie..
..he started shaking. Then he screamed. Or more yelled. He first threw around all the toys around him while he was yelling, and then he clenched his fists really tight. I ran to him at picked him up, hugged him, and he just kept yelling, screaming, shaking and the tears were running down his little face. It kept on like this for maybe 30 seconds or a minte, I’m not sure, it felt like forever. When he stopped we all just looked at each other. What happened? His grandparents tried to cheer him up but he just talked back really angry. Then they left me and Alfie alone, and I tried to talk to him. What happened? He said he was angry with his grandparents, and he clearly blamed them for putting him in this situation. That was how he felt. Like they did it to him. I said I was sorry he felt that way, and tried to explain that they didn’t do anything (at least not on purpose) and that the loud sound was just an accident.
He had been showing signs of not liking loud noices for a while, but never like this.
When we got home and the kids were sleeping my husband and I talked it over again, and we decited to talk to the kindergarten staff again, come clean, tell them about our worries and this episode.
At first their reaction was that is was quite normal to get scared from loud sounds, but we insisted this was not a normal reaction. Then they told us that they really only saw a sensitive but very bright kid, but after telling more about what was going on at home they seemed to understand more and more.
After this meeting we decited together that my husband and I had to make a reporting about our concerns which would allow the kindergarten to bring Alfie up on a interdisciplinary meeting with a special need caretaker, a psychologist, a family Consultant and a few others.
They did, and decited we should have a meeting with one of the caretakers from kindergarten along with a special need caretaker and a psychologist. Because of Corona if wouldn’t be anytime soon, so we waited around 4 months for the meeting.
Meanwhile the summer holiday came, and after that Ellie moved up to kindergarten.
To be continued..